Friday, July 17, 2009

I know that it is good

Hello strangers! I am sorry that I have not been very good about blogging. I have just come to grips with the fact that I am not a regular blogger. So should you, okay?

Things in McKinney are going great. There are certainly advantages and disadvantages to living in a new place. And I am sure that the latter will slowly fade into the background as we become more and more acclimated.

Working with the residents is an absolute highlight for me. I had to miss one night last week, and for the first time one of residents told me that they missed me. My heart melted right then and there. I also love cooking for them in the evenings. I never thought in a million years that I would be cooking for seven people on a regular basis. It is just another way that the Lord reveals that His ways are not our own. With each meal that I make, which brings about a greater and growing confidence, the more clearly I see the lies of the enemy. Think about this with me...he lies about something as simple as cooking! And not just once but for years! And to think about what his lies are revolving around the important stuff in our lives...

To be ever more content in who the Lord made me to be and that He indeed loves me is the greatest gift I have ever been given. But it's not instant and I don't trust it everyday. It's slow and it takes faith, which I lack far too often.

Speaking of faith, I am reading a fabulous book by John Piper, titled Future Grace. It has been a sweet balm to me and I hope to read it more deeply as soon as my class is over in a few weeks.

But I digress, so back to us living in a new place. I love living in the country. I love that it's quiet. I love that Larry and I stay home more. I love being so close to the Heaton's and the residents. I love our apartment. I love pulling into the driveway after work everyday. And I am absolutely in love with the peace in our decision to be here.

But... There it is. The but. But, it's hard being so far away from my friends. I miss you all so very much! This of course goes out to "The Gang". I miss being close enough to where I/we never had to say no to upcoming plans with you all. My heart gets sad when I know you all will be enjoying each other's company and laughter, and that I will not be able to be there (all of last weekend...ahem). The rational part of me knows that Larry and I are not forgotten and that in no time we will back there with you all. I also know that time and seasons shift us all about and suddenly the inseparable gang begins to start dating, gets married, have children, moves away, take on second jobs, gets involved in different churches and so on. And that's life. Constantly ebbing and flowing. Bringing people in and out of your life like the rolling tide. And this is good. But it hurts too.

As a tiny girl I always had the hope of a best friend that would join my side and do life with me in both calm seas and crashing waves. And since preschool I have had the immense privilege to know some of the most fabulous women that God put together! But my problem has been this; connecting deeply with a friend and holding on tightly to the idea that we will forever be that close. That I will never be hurt. That we will never disagree. That we will always adore each other. That we will always be a huge priority in each other's lives. That we will make decisions based on each other. And sadly, the list goes on. Who, including myself, can withstand those expectations. Well, quite obviously no one.

And even though I do have a handful of best girls friends (and I mean BEST!), I have to be careful not to be disappointed, and not by my precious friends but rather by my own expectations. Seasons change. Every year. Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring. And I have to whisper to myself, that it's nothing personal. It is good.

Oh, how I desire to love the women in my life richly and deeply and without the relationship killer "expectation". I pray that when seasons shift and friendships take on a new look (however, still carrying the same great love) that I can remain loyal, true, constant, loving and simply always here for you. In other words, though the sea never looks exactly the same, it is indeed the exact same water. And to that I say, Selah.

I am not sure if any of you have ever struggled with this exact same thing. Perhaps not. But I am a women who is slow to accept change (no giggling, sister) and I am learning to be okay with that about myself. It has only taken 29 years. Tonight, in place of my expectations, I pray to offer those in my life - freedom. To my husband, my family and my friends.

This post is random and it's not tied up in a pretty little bow with a single topic that includes an intro and conclusion to nicely present my topic. It's scattered and reveals my heart and mind, both filled with joy and a heavy heart. Nothing in particular spurred these ramblings on, except that I feel very far from home tonight. And I miss you. And I know who I want to be for each one of you, both new and old comrades. You make me better and I love you. Now come crawl in bed and snuggle with me!

-I leave you with a picture because well, everyone enjoys the pictures more than the writing (or maybe that's just me). This picture was selected at random but it's exactly where I would like to be tonight, expect with a bigger couch and throw the Hubby, Sister, Burke, P Rob, B. Brown, Jamsey and Rach and G-off into the dog pile. Ahhh....much better.


It's late - no time for editing. Deal.