Heaven Came Down

Yesterday morning, Jesus carried Walker Jack Rainey home to heaven. 

Soon after Walker was diagnoised with a rare and aggressive tumor, the Rainey family contacted our agency to discuss needs for childcare.  I was instantly drawn to the family and the way that Chad spoke of his son, their plan of action, and most of all their faith in a good God. I met with the family in person to discuss their needs and I even entertained the idea of a way to help this family myself seeing that they lived so close by to my home. Walker was deemed precious in my sight from the moment I layed eyes on him and it was obvious that his parents swelled with infectious pride. I have since watched Walker's blog closesly, always waiting for the day that Chad and Missy would announce that he was set free from cancer.

I had always hoped that "free" would be here among the land of the living.  But nonetheless, today Walker is indeed set free.

And Chad and Missy's faith in Jesus continues to inspire and wreck me.

To read more about Walker's ridiculously beautiful and fruitful life, go here. I believe that their faith will leave you changed.

Please pray for the family's healing and that Jesus will be ever near in their darkest hour.

Beauty for ashes, Lord. Beauty for ashes...

**The first song now playing on my playlist is Held, by Natalie Grant. These lyrics are some of the only words that seem to come to my mind and lips when I think about the loss of the Rainey family. **

Panera on a Monday: A Story

A few days ago I mentioned on Facebook that I had the most bizarre experience at Panera Bread.  I wanted to share more, but it required more words than my status update would allow, as you can clearly see by the length of this post.

On Monday I headed up to Panera bright and early to study for my midterm exam.  I was anxious about cramming nine chapters into my brain for a mere four questions.  I like going to Panera because they have free wireless and I can cozy up in the back corner and typically be left alone.  Not this time.

A couple of hours into my study session a large family settled in for lunch behind me. Soon after, another gentleman sat himself at the tiny table directly next to me.  I was deep in thought and had my earphones in, so I just quickly noticed him in my peripheral.  A few minutes later he stood up and I noticed that among his greasy, tousled hair and unshaven gray beard, that he was sweating profusely through his heather grey t-shirt, particularly in his chest region.  I initially thought he must have been working out, but he was in normal clothes. As he went around to the coffee bar, I studied him as he walked away.  That's when I noticed that he had two large poop stains on the back of his shorts. I could not believe it.  Nor could I believe that I was going to be camped out next to this guy for who knows how long.

He soon came back to his tiny table and tiny laptop, and all the while he was trying to talk to the children at the other table and was laughing at every little thing that they did.  I was anything but focused on studying at this point, and as my husband has communitcated to me, I am not the most discreet observer. :) Glancing his direction occasionally, I noticed that his socks were filthy and that one of his soles flopped when he walked. He was an absolute mess, but he did not appear homeless, but rather unclean and extremely socially awkward.

When he finally said something to me, he simply pointed to the tattoo on my heel.  He said, "I just noticed your little cloud there. It's cute." I simply said thank you and then returned to my reading, to politely relay that I was not able to engage in conversation.  A few minutes passed and he said, "Your feet are so small. If you ever committed a crime the police would be looking for a nine year old". I managed to curve my lips into some kind of polite smile and again, returned to my reading.

All that I could think was, "I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A CRIME"!

About this time, another women sits on the other side of me and she is the most odd little pregnant woman I have ever seen. She looks intently at me and gives me the strangest smile while holding her belly.  She sits and continues to look about - as if in a daze. 

Then, following her is another women who I would say is in her fifties. She headed straight to the back asking where another outlet was. She then starts chatting with everyone around her and starts climbing the furniture to close all of the blinds in the back of the restaurant. I noticed while her back was turned that she had these high-rise jeans on with a shirt that only connects near the neck, exposing her entire back.  "So odd", I thought to myself.  She sat down and announced that she was going to be getting on a conference call and that she can be quite loud.  Of course.

I turned my music up.

Then the gentleman taps on my desk to get my attention. I remove my earphone (becoming a bit frustrated at this point) and I focus my attention on his face. 

***Disclaimer - I have this awesome disposition where I feel like I am "on to people".  My husband calls me Crime Dog McGruff because I am always convinced that someone is doing something wrong or bad and it's my job to bring these people to justice.  Hilarious really. So, please picture Crime Dog McGruff kicking in at this point.***

Back to the gentleman...he was typing on his computer and stopped me to ask a question.  This is what I heard, "How do you spell mass killing". Can you even imagine the horror on my face?  I am quite certain that I looked at him in disgust as I shook my head, while also trying to look past him for a manager, police officer, body guard, a grown-up! :) I repeat back to him after a while and say, "Mass killing"? He said, "Huh? No, how do you spell mas-cu-line?"

[body begins to relax]

"Oh, masculine", I say cooly. What an idiot.

After the spelling bee incident, I can't help but laugh at myself.  I text my hubby, who I know will get a kick out of this and then I simply step out of the building to phone my mom to let her know about my Crime Dog McGruff faux pas. We have a good laugh and then I am really ready to get back to my text book.  I walk in, sit down, put on my earphones and pick-up my textbook.  It's after maybe a minute that I realize the woman from the conference call is now off the phone and wait...is she...no, really?...is she talking about me? I remove one earphone and look in her direction and yes, she absolutely is talking about me.  She then says to me, "Must have been a really important phone call for you to take that call outside. You can talk in front of us you know?"

I am so confused.  I let her know that it was a private call. And left it at that.  I wish she had too.

I put my earphone back in and then I soon notice the woman packing up her things, all the while chatting with the gentleman and pregnant woman. Before I realize it, she is standing right next to my chair.  Again, I remove my earphone and ask, "Can I help you?" She then looks at the man, and says, "See what I mean? She sees me as a problem child.  Once a problem child always a problem child. If you don't conform with the masses...yada yada yada".

At this point, I have been looking for a reason to leave this psycho-section of Panera for an hour and so I stand up, quite ruffled mind you, and begin packing up my things.

She then says, "You don't have to leave, I'm leaving soon anyway".

I then tell her, "I am just trying to study for a mid-term. I don't know what I did to you, but I don't have time for this". She replies, "I am just looking for some involvement here". I quickly announce, "I came here to study. I am not looking for involvement".

Again, she says to the man, "See what I mean.  They just don't care. This generation...."

I walk away in complete bewilderment.  Did I seriously just sit next to a guy in poopy shorts AND get into a heated argument with a manic, middle-aged woman (who apparently thought I was in high school)?

And the worst part - they made me CRY! :)

The End.

I know that it is good

Hello strangers! I am sorry that I have not been very good about blogging. I have just come to grips with the fact that I am not a regular blogger. So should you, okay?

Things in McKinney are going great. There are certainly advantages and disadvantages to living in a new place. And I am sure that the latter will slowly fade into the background as we become more and more acclimated.

Working with the residents is an absolute highlight for me. I had to miss one night last week, and for the first time one of residents told me that they missed me. My heart melted right then and there. I also love cooking for them in the evenings. I never thought in a million years that I would be cooking for seven people on a regular basis. It is just another way that the Lord reveals that His ways are not our own. With each meal that I make, which brings about a greater and growing confidence, the more clearly I see the lies of the enemy. Think about this with me...he lies about something as simple as cooking! And not just once but for years! And to think about what his lies are revolving around the important stuff in our lives...

To be ever more content in who the Lord made me to be and that He indeed loves me is the greatest gift I have ever been given. But it's not instant and I don't trust it everyday. It's slow and it takes faith, which I lack far too often.

Speaking of faith, I am reading a fabulous book by John Piper, titled Future Grace. It has been a sweet balm to me and I hope to read it more deeply as soon as my class is over in a few weeks.

But I digress, so back to us living in a new place. I love living in the country. I love that it's quiet. I love that Larry and I stay home more. I love being so close to the Heaton's and the residents. I love our apartment. I love pulling into the driveway after work everyday. And I am absolutely in love with the peace in our decision to be here.

But... There it is. The but. But, it's hard being so far away from my friends. I miss you all so very much! This of course goes out to "The Gang". I miss being close enough to where I/we never had to say no to upcoming plans with you all. My heart gets sad when I know you all will be enjoying each other's company and laughter, and that I will not be able to be there (all of last weekend...ahem). The rational part of me knows that Larry and I are not forgotten and that in no time we will back there with you all. I also know that time and seasons shift us all about and suddenly the inseparable gang begins to start dating, gets married, have children, moves away, take on second jobs, gets involved in different churches and so on. And that's life. Constantly ebbing and flowing. Bringing people in and out of your life like the rolling tide. And this is good. But it hurts too.

As a tiny girl I always had the hope of a best friend that would join my side and do life with me in both calm seas and crashing waves. And since preschool I have had the immense privilege to know some of the most fabulous women that God put together! But my problem has been this; connecting deeply with a friend and holding on tightly to the idea that we will forever be that close. That I will never be hurt. That we will never disagree. That we will always adore each other. That we will always be a huge priority in each other's lives. That we will make decisions based on each other. And sadly, the list goes on. Who, including myself, can withstand those expectations. Well, quite obviously no one.

And even though I do have a handful of best girls friends (and I mean BEST!), I have to be careful not to be disappointed, and not by my precious friends but rather by my own expectations. Seasons change. Every year. Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring. And I have to whisper to myself, that it's nothing personal. It is good.

Oh, how I desire to love the women in my life richly and deeply and without the relationship killer "expectation". I pray that when seasons shift and friendships take on a new look (however, still carrying the same great love) that I can remain loyal, true, constant, loving and simply always here for you. In other words, though the sea never looks exactly the same, it is indeed the exact same water. And to that I say, Selah.

I am not sure if any of you have ever struggled with this exact same thing. Perhaps not. But I am a women who is slow to accept change (no giggling, sister) and I am learning to be okay with that about myself. It has only taken 29 years. Tonight, in place of my expectations, I pray to offer those in my life - freedom. To my husband, my family and my friends.

This post is random and it's not tied up in a pretty little bow with a single topic that includes an intro and conclusion to nicely present my topic. It's scattered and reveals my heart and mind, both filled with joy and a heavy heart. Nothing in particular spurred these ramblings on, except that I feel very far from home tonight. And I miss you. And I know who I want to be for each one of you, both new and old comrades. You make me better and I love you. Now come crawl in bed and snuggle with me!

-I leave you with a picture because well, everyone enjoys the pictures more than the writing (or maybe that's just me). This picture was selected at random but it's exactly where I would like to be tonight, expect with a bigger couch and throw the Hubby, Sister, Burke, P Rob, B. Brown, Jamsey and Rach and G-off into the dog pile. Ahhh....much better.

Signed,

It's late - no time for editing. Deal.

It's Dark in the Country

Well, the hubs and I are just about settled in McKinney. This Friday it will be three weeks since we moved, but with all of our traveling around the last couple weeks, it is just beginning to feel like home. There are many things that make this place feel new. It's as if we have moved to a new state rather than just a few cities away. Here are just a few of the new things...

• Lightening Bugs! Oh my goodness! They are everywhere and they make my heart happy because I can only think about going my dad's softball games as a little girl and being encouraged by my mom to chase around the magical insects.
• Country Wildlife. Luckily I have not had any run ins with anything other than a passing skunk, but I am always on alert for the danger that lurks about on our new, unfamiliar 42-acres. (I know, a little dramatic, right?) But seriously people, I have heard stories about snakes (copperheads!) slithering about on the driveways, bobcats creeping on the roof, coyotes sitings, raccoons making their home in the garage. It's just too much for a city girl! The other day after church they were telling a story about snakes and Larry just grazed my toe with his foot and I jumped so high that my knee hit the table causing everyone's plates to shake about. Oh, and let's not forget that I have a tiny, precious dog that could be snatched up at any moment by an owl, hawk or coyote. Can you even imagine the horror of it? Why are you laughing? This is serious. Very. I am not being irrational. My fears are warranted. Okay, just took some zanax. Heart rate slowly coming down...
• Cable Television. That's right, this is the first time since 2003 that I have had cable at my place of residence. Larry and I aren't big TV watchers but I am excited to have more than six channels to choose from now.
• A Garage. Yep, I have my very own place to put my car. I have never had a garage before so I am always a little excited to push the button on the opener.
• Bullfrog Ribbets. They make funny sounds all night. At first I thought it was some kind of dying, moaning animal in the pasture behind us. But my husband knows a lot about a lot and he informed me that it's just good ol' bullfrogs. Can't you just picture me walking around all nervous like at every new sound? Hopefully this wears off soon.
• Long Drives. Well, I better just get used to this one because my drive to work is about 45 minutes and the drive to Keller is over an hour. I plan to just stay home. A lot.

That's all I have for now. I can't wait for the residents to get home at the end of this week! D and C have made us feel so very welcome at this point and we feel completely at peace and excited about our decision to be apart of Cornerstone. I will try to get pictures up soon of our new little home. I love it - thank you for the kitchen space! Please come visit us soon - but beware of snakes, bobcats and more - oh my!

Signed,

Tip Toeing in the Wilderness