'Round the Bend

Several weeks ago, I arrived to class early just as I always do. I had been fighting off nausea all day and just felt miserable. I went to my professor's office early to let him know that if I left class early, it was due to a weak stomach.  He sent me home and said that several other classmates had reported the same thing and he did not want me spreading the love to anyone else.

I was thankful to go home and rest, but I also knew that I would have to fight rush-hour traffic to make it there. I decided that I would try to take the back roads. I had done it once before, with the help of my GPS. I looked down at my phone - it would die any minute. But I decided to risk it. I tossed my phone into my purse, knowing there was no time to pull up directions.

As I started home, things looked somewhat familiar. I kept looking for landmarks and roads that I had seen on my previous journey. Eventually I ended up in an area that I couldn't say I had seen or hadn't seen before. I kept driving straight. "Surely this will lead me to the tollway", I thought to myself. But it never did. As I headed into the hills of uncharted territory and back country roads that are idyllic for a Sunday afternoon drive, I said a prayer. "Lord, lead me home. Let me be still and quiet enough to hear your voice. Don't let me take one, wrong road.".

I pushed my nausea down, along with the volume to my radio and I paid careful attention to my drive. It was so quiet and peaceful. There was something beautiful about knowing that only the Lord and I knew where I was in that moment. Not a soul out there knew that I was twisting and turning into towns not my own.

I never became completely confident that I was headed in the right direction, let alone was on the right road. But I pushed on, determined not to stop to ask for directions. Not because I didn't want to, but because I wanted to hear from the Lord more. And not some audible voice that guided me to turn left or to turn right, but to just hear something in my heart from Him.

I encountered dozens of streets. Dozens of decisions. And on my final stretch home, I passed a street that had I taken five turns backs, would have put me in my driveway much earlier.

And there it was. So quiet, that I might have missed it as quickly as my car passed by the street sign.

He spoke.

I did not get home the quickest or shortest way available, but I got home just the same. At the end of the night I sat parked in my garage in awe that He had granted my plea,  I had not taken one wrong road.

Every twist and turn along the way led me to the place I so desired, home.

He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything. Deuteronomy 2:7

For a deeper look: Hinds Feet on High Places

Windows

Our apartment is filled with windows. There is no need for any lights to be switched on during the day because the sunlight streams in at any given hour.  Most people love the idea of having windows illuminating their homes, but for me this is a real problem, particularly when it comes to the kitchen window.  I prefer to keep the blinds down until dusk, because if left open the sun floods the kitchen and living area with its bright rays.

I pull them shut.

Larry pulls them open.

I shut.

He opens.

Repeat.

I know how much Larry loves letting in the natural sunlight.  He loves to open windows too, without screens on, but that's another story. I love the idea of having them open too. Really, I do. I think about all those little cottages in my favorite magazines and how the sunlight burst through the window panes just like so, with subtle sun flare illuminating the golden retriever laying on their spotless white rug.

But when I open the blinds, the sun exposes...

Dust that gathers on the end table.

Dog hair that clings to the sofa.

Streaks that miraculously appear on the refrigerator.

Crumbs that surface on the counter tops.

Sneaky cob webs crafted in the corner.

A tile floor that suddenly needs to be mopped.

Fabric that has begun to fade.

Quite simply, a home that has been lived in.

While most people cheer for daylight savings time, I hate the idea of having a home lit up until nine o'clock in the evening.  That's just more hours that I need to keep those drapes pulled closed.  Once the sun passes over that last hill in the west, I can draw back the drapes, pull open the dusty blinds, and enjoy the house filled with dim lamps and soft candle light.  Each room has a lamp in my house.  Some have three. I would continue to buy more, but my sweet husband has put his foot down.

Just like that, I feel better.  I look around the house and it looks calm and cozy.  There is no evidence of my housekeeping failures, no smudges to attend to, and no more work to be done. Seemingly anyway. 

Huh...

Is this what I do with my Jesus?

For it says (ESV):

You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence. Psalm 90:8

For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light. Luke 8:17

And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. John 3:19-20

But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible... Ephesians 5:13

Too often I ask the Lord for revelation afresh.  I ask for more of His light in my life.  But His light reveals my wickedness and sin.  And so I picture this...

He swings wide the drapes of  my heart.

I shut them.

He opens.

I shut.

Repeat.

I don't shut Him out because I desire less of Him in my life.  Not at all.  In fact it's quite the opposite.  But that light of His just makes me look so messy.  And that mess compels me to jump up and start cleaning. No time for rest here.  Dust this. Mop that. Sweep there. Bleach everywhere.

Oh, how He's teaching me to stop looking at how the Light makes me look a mess. The Light is not about me at all. It's about Him. And how in spite of all of my measly efforts to keep things clean and pristine, I can't. I just can't. And so, if I will just be willing to sit still long enough to rest while the Light streams in, I may just be so overcome by the Light that all of the crumbs and cob webs begin to disappear. Or at least they will no longer define me.

Now, about those blinds in the kitchen...

May His Light burst forth for you and I both.

Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. Psalm 34:5

For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 4:6

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9

Getting Into the Routine

This week I began my new schedule as a part-timer. I have spent the last five years in household staffing sales and recruiting and about four months ago I let my employers know that I would be making a change. I am currently in graduate school for professional counseling and I am finally nearing the end of my coursework. Can I get an Amen? I am,  however, also in danger of my catalog expiring, causing me to have to take additional classes. I would love to avoid this and so I am doubling up this semester, then I have one more lecture class and lastly my practicum work. The goal: being completed by spring 2001 in order to avoid falling under the new catalog.


Anyway, in order for me to go part-time, Larry and I have and will have to make some financial sacrifices. We will need to eat at home more, shop less, ration the wine and maybe, just maybe put my coveted Tyler candles on the back burner for now.

When we first decided to make this change, we started taking a closer look at our budget. It was very evident that a huge junk of our money was spent on food, particularly restaurants and eating out. Larry and I don't eat out a ton, but I love going out at lunch. And buying sodas or a coffee. In the months ahead, I will definitely be curbing this habit *whimper*. We have rid ourselves of credit card debt and are now working on the remaining balance on my car and our school loans.

A friend of mine recommended Mint.com when I was explaining to her that we were needing to keep a better eye on our finances. I swear by this website. It has been such a valuable tool for our little family and I know that it will only increase in value as our family grows.

I also really enjoy the advice of the Get Rich Slowly blog. It is full of tips and relative articles. It often puts things in perspective and helps me think more about our goals for the future.

I went to school today to print off some research materials, and I found my mind drifting: where should I stop on the way home to get a drink? Is there a Sonic near by? Home Goods is on my way home...I should just peek in and see if they have anything cute. But I resisted the urges and pointed my Acura straight home without spending an extra penny. Sweet small victory.

I write this blog as somewhat of an introduction into this new season of our lives. It is sure to be a sweet one. I have already been able to spend precious time at home with Larry and help with things around that house that he typically takes the initiative to do while working from home. I am also hoping to find areas where I can help him with his business, as he is taking on more of the financial responsibilities. My hope is to begin frequently writing about money savings tips that are working for us and if you have any to share, I would love it!

If you will, we would covet your prayers for financial wisdom and discipline in both school work and with our time.